Tuesday, June 12, 2007

By Meg Jones
Guest Contributor

so there is a new employee in my office. a desperate, middle-aged woman who very obviously lives vicariously through her spoiled children and tries to convince everyone of her status as "the cool mom." apparently she is unaware that other adults are not impressed by the supposed "cool mom" status. only teenage children.

other than her self-proclaimed status she is, in fact, a piglet. she walks, talks, giggles, eats and dresses like a piglet. to speak kindly. we'll refer to her as such for the remainder.

keep in mind, this piglet is the one, upon hearing my remarks about the staph. infection that kept paris hilton out of jail (which i suggested she very well may have walked into the establishment with said infection) responded - hehe you're so funny. it was probably the male staff. no no piglet, not that kind of staff.

imagine if you will, piglet having a conversation with her boss. a highly intelligent chinese woman stunted, only superficially, by her thick accent. piglet is going on and on, as she does, about her daughter's sweet 16 party, on which she is spending her entire life savings. boss tells piglet that they continue with chinese traditions in her family and make a rice cake rather than a regular birthday cake. piglet giggles. no no piglet, not the cardboard tasting health food that you stay away from - probably that only thing in the world that would make you run. piglet suggests rice krispies instead. *sigh* no no piglet, wrong kind of rice.

today piglet was asking boss where she lived. when boss told piglet she lived in a townhome, piglet explained to boss that she thought boss would have a home rather than paying rent.. seeing as you are so cheap. *sigh* piglet then proceded to ask boss if there was a big chinese community where she lived. *sigh* of course piglet, why would she live near white people. i'm sure she is used to being crammed into small spaces with 3 billion of her relatives. perhaps piglet has a big fat loud-mouthed white lady community where she lives. *sigh*

piglets only defense, which she has used before, is that she has a hard time not telling the truth. no no piglet. what you meant to say was, you have a hard time keeping your big fat mouth shut.

there is nothing worse that an ignorant person with a cause and piglet's unfortunate cause is life in general. that is all.

good day.

.... i said good day!


Andrew said...

Are you sure Piglet isn't somehow Michael Scott from The Office.

How do people breath?

Megan said...

oh we vent our frusrations to each other by passing post-it notes over our cubes. or just laugh out loud. piglet always laughs harder, assuming we're laughing at her jokes.

if piglet were michael scott from the office - i'd then pray that somewhere in my office, there would be a dwight. and perhaps i wouldn't be complaining :-)

K. Myers said...

..AND a jim! now that would be a sweet place to work.:)

Anonymous said...

The stuff is incredibly interesting.