Friday, June 15, 2007

Drivers Beware

For months now, I have been trying to devise the perfect way to release my aggression against the stupid-ass drivers in the DC-metro area. If any of you have driven in DC-metro area, you know what I'm talking about. People around here do not know what a turn signal is. They think that lane lines are simply decoration and contrary to the rest of the world, the left lane on a highway is apparently the slow lane.

The best solution I had come up with was a super soaker. When someone did something stupid, I'd pull up next to them, roll down my wind, and soak the hell out of them. It wouldn't cause any damage or anything like that, but I figure the surprise factor would make it worth it. I mean, can you imagine someone pulling out a super soaker on the highway and drenching your car?

However, Hammacher Schlemmer, which is "America's longest running catalog, offering the best, the only and the unexpected for 159 years," has provided me with something even better than a super soaker...

The Marshmallow Shooter.

Here is the description in the magazine:

Never has victory tasted so sweet: shoot an edible miniature marshmallow over 30' with our pump-action shooter, complete with LED sight for pinpoint accuracy. The easy-to-refill magazine holds 20 marshmallows (or foam pellets included) for fast, nonstop action. The LED sight projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target. Barrel and magazine are top rack dishwasher safe. The back of the box even has a target for practice.

I cannot wait to pelt unsuspecting cars with miniature marshmallows.

This is so amazing that I think that the classic Christmas movie A Christmas Story should be remade with the Marshmallow Shooter instead of the Red Rider BeeBee Gun.


Andrew said...

The absence of the Red Rider BB Gun would dissolve the whole "You'll shoot your eye out" plot. And what fun would that be?

Ashleigh said...

The funniest part about this is that it's not at all an exaggeration. You really HAVE spent years trying to get back at DC drivers.

chatterboy said...

I think a marshmallow in the eye could be quite damaging...keep in mind, this does not shoot the large marshmallows, but the miniature ones, which are just the right size to cut your cornea. I'm sure of it!

K. Myers said...

i cant wait to hear about this.

Megan said...

my friend and i once came up with the idea of shooting suction cup darts. once you had acquired enough darts (which you would obviously leave on your car) you would be forced to paint your car brown. because brown = poo, which would = shitty driver.
we never put the plan into action though.