... Now Like to Hand the Mic Over to Guest Contributor, Ryan B.

I'm sure we are all well-aware of how much advancing media and the emergence of online technology has "forever altered corporate communication and the exchange of information" blah blah blah yada yada yada. AKA we have instant messaging and email now, so we no longer have to get out of our comfy desk chairs or use our voice boxes in order to ask someone anything at all. Nor do we have to interact with our co-workers, because apparently we are all socially awkward and the mere thought of talking to our office-mates in person is unimaginable.
Fine, we can be lazy now, I get it. And I'll admit it's convenient. But seriously, people, there is a difference between convenience and laziness. Conversing via instant messenger does not mean you can stop using complete sentences.

Seriously, every time I am forced to hold a work conversation online with someone else, the person on the opposite end uses as little words as possible to form their sentences. Seriously. No matter how grammatically-perfect, eloquent, and thought-out my responses are, the person never fails to answer with half-assed fragments.

Example:
[Setting is 10 AM, Monday morning]

Co-Worker: Good weekend?
Me: Yes, it was quite enjoyable. It was extremely relaxing as well. How was your weekend?
Co-worker: Had fun. Get email?
Me: Why yes, I most certainly did receive your most recent electronic message and enjoyed it thoroughly. I will have that proposal to you as soon as it is possible to be accomplished.
Co-worker: Would be great. Busy?
Me: Well at the current moment I am not too swamped with tasks. For why do you ask? Would you like me to help you with something?
Co-worker: Report due. Pull report?
Me: I would gladly pull the report for you. Oh, and I have a question for you. How exactly should I access the folder in which the information is stored that is needed for implementing your client's campaign?
Co-worker: On network. You find?
Me: Why yes, I have just recently located the needed information. Thank you muchly.
Co-worker: Kewl beans.

While there is much to be said about this example, I honestly wouldn't know where to start. The bottom line is, these corporate conversations are the most annoying thing since not being allowed to bring liquids in your carry-on at the airport. No, I take that back. They're the most annoying thing since the emergence of the phrase "kewl beans." Uggh.

Ok, you get the idea. No one can type sentences anymore because it just takes too long, and it's frickin annoying. Call me crazy, but I think all of these technological "advancements" are in actuality bringing us back to the days of cave men. Pretty soon we'll be sitting at our computers in furry loin-cloths. I mean really, it makes sense. Especially with current gas prices. We might as well start using feet-powered cars. Like the Flinstones. Ugga ugga. You get?