Monday, August 13, 2007
"I Will Most Likely Not Be Your Friend If. . ."
I will most likely not be your friend if you enjoy, to any degree, doing the Electric Slide or any other group-based choreographed dance generally done at large formal gatherings, parties, or conventions. This includes, but is not limited to: the funky chicken, the Macarena, or the eternally irritating YMCA. For the most part these atrocities, sometimes regrettably referred to as "music," are played at weddings and school dances. Anyone who hates these songs, and has ever been to a wedding, for the most part will wait out the dancing aspect before hitting the dance floor. One must feel out the vibe of the music before throwing themselves into the mix, because before long the greasy, drunk 80 year-old DJ is bound to throw down on some shit. Here's the way it generally goes down:
A dude is sitting at his table, perhaps drinking a refreshing beer or a nice cocktail, and is enjoying a conversation with a friend he hasn't seen in a while. Low and behold, Charlie McDipshit the DJ throws on the Electric Slide. Every stupid idiot starts screaming with excitement. Now, the dude knows what's about to happen, but he can't stop it. Some over-excited girl that he thought was a good friend scrambles over to the table, grabs his arm, and begins to playfully pull him in the direction of the dance floor. The dude does not appreciate this. He was enjoying himself where he was. He apologizes, smiles, and politely refuses to join her explaining that he "would rather die than dance to that irritating song." The girl, whose friends have already begun to "slide to the left," throws a fit and begins pulling a little more forcefully. The dude, realizing that she is now making a scene, acquiesces and joins her, but half asses the movements. He hates his friend now.
We've all been there. If it hasn't happened it us, it's happened to someone we know. I hate the way people react when these songs come on. They act like doing the Electric Slide is compulsory. It's compulsory for insecure prats. These are the same people that, when asked what music they like, will say "eVeryThing but CountRy and rap ROFL ^__^!!!" But that's another post. . .